Two Fat Sisters! August 19, 2008

Two Fat Chicks

We’re baaack!!!! I had a wonderful time in Hotlantic City, but not for the gambling. The shopping is off the hook!!!! I won’t even disclose how much I spent, but I know Myia spent a mint, not just on shopping, but she treated me to the most wonderful time-fancy, expensive dinners, an all-day spa session, but most of all, her company. Did we work out? Hell to tha naw! Well, does walking around the casino looking for penny slots count? I say Hell-to-tha-YES!!!! My dogs were killin’ me, so it must’ve been exercise right?

I feel totally renewed and ready to amp up my workout. My goal is to lose 5 pounds by September 20th. My current weight: 178.5. Damn, I gained half a pound, but I can’t be mad. I ate like a queen last week, so a half a pound is good. I have one month. Let’s do this…..girlllllllllllll!

Taking Some Time To Recharge August 13, 2008

My birthday is this coming Monday, and I’m so over birthdays. Not because of the getting older thing, but because the love of my life Spencer is no longer here to share it with me. He died last September from complications of Sickle Cell Anemia, and while I’m better than I was 11 months ago, I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover from losing him. Losing him was like losing a limb. We were like Martin & Gina, sometimes Ike & Tina, but we were always Trice & Spen or Spen & Trice depending on whom you asked. So with this bittersweet occasion approaching, I know Myia wanted to take me away to get my mind off of things and help me release some stress and tension.

She and her “sister-in-law” Alisa are treating me to a spa day in Atlantic City no less, so I’m on the Amtrak tomorrow in route to getting my spa on! I haven’t been to Atlantic City in over ten years and guess whom I was with? Yeah, ole Spendy. I can’t go anywhere without being reminded of him, but I am looking forward to my Swedish message, detox body mask, and maybe a little slot action.

I’ll check in before the weekend’s over to detail my trip. Damn, I am getting older!

Yes We Can!!! August 12, 2008

Right Idea, Wrong Suit

Okay, so I stole this catch-phrase from my man Barack Obama, but it’s so fitting for our new column. Yes we can is dedicated to de-bunking all the myths that say becuz your a big girl, you can’t wear a certain article of clothing or rock a new trend. While we’re losin’ it, we still want to look good, right? Although we only have about a month of summer left (here on the east coast anyway,) let’s talk about swimsuits. Before you cringe, just keep repeating to yourself: “YES-WE-CAN!!!!”

Now let’s be realistic here. The goal aint to look like a King magazine model, but to find a suit that fits, supports, and most importantly, flatters! Whoever created the tankini is a god (or goddess.) Before the invention of it, I would not even fathom the thought of wearing a two piece swimsuit. With the tankini, you get the best of both worlds, but you can’t just scoop up any old tankini. Here are some key elements: Make sure the bottoms are briefs-please, no thongs. I’m gagging at the thought. I would not wear a thong. My ass is covered with jelly (cellulite) and railroad tracks (stretch marks.) Secondly, if you only remember one thing, remember this: Spandex, and lots of it, is our friend. A good suit should have at least 18% or more of spandex. And for goodness sake, don’t be afraid to go up a size. Nobody will know you’re wearing a size 18 suit on your size 16 body unless you tell them. Swimsuits are traditionally cut smaller, and if you have curves like moi, wearing your true size isn’t always an option. Also, patterns as opposed to solids are much more flattering, especially at the midsection. Ruching also does wonders on that ole rubber tire of a gut. What I like about tankinis is that while it gives the coverage of a one piece, you get that small peek-a-boo at the waist. Lastly, if you’ve got a big rack like me, opt for a halter. It lifts, separates, and supports nicely. If the halter puts a strain on your neck, then choose a criss-cross back for support and comfort.

I leave you with this: You can wear a tankini. It takes a lot of confidence and picking the right suit. You cannot buy off the rack without trying on your suit. It just won’t work. You’ve got to view yourself from all angles. Look for a shop where you can mix and match the pieces. That way, you’re not stuck with an unflattering bottom and the perfect top or vice versa. Target carries some pretty decent suits. Also,    Newport News does too (Newport News does not have a store front, so you’ll have to use your best judgment when ordering or call and speak with a rep.) I actually bought this suit from Newport News but it has absolutely NO support. My tits look like two big Christmas hams stuffed into a shopping bag. This suit is actually a size 14. Keep in mind that this suit is about 3 years old and I was a size 12 at the time. The good news though is you can build your own bikini. Good luck, and remember, YES-WE-CAN!!!!!

Monday FATfirmation: Reload the Matrix August 11, 2008

It’s back to “real life.”  Work, routine and structure.  Monday is the day to take stock of the week past and to look forward at the week ahead.  Agree that the journey is still going.  We have to learn from the week prior and stay focused and goal oriented for the week ahead.  We’re here for each other for support, but keeping ourselves centered and knowing that we’re our own best cheerleader and worst enemy rolled up into one fat package. 

Good luck to us all as Monday rolls on and we keep on this path towards “losin’ it.”

Try this for a nice, guiltfree way to enjoy “apple crisp ala mode.”

Peel, core and fire an apple in fat-free cooking spray. sprinkle with 1/2 pack of 0 calorie sweetner and 1 tsp of Splenda Brown Sugar and a cople of dashes of cinnamon.  sautee/fry until your mixture is nice and goey.

Top with a 1/2 bag of crushed Lorna Doone 100 calorie snack pack and a tbsp of frozen, fat-free cool whip.  [for an even toastier treat, before topping with cool whip, spray your treat with 0 calorie "butter spray" like Oliva, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter or Parkay spray. put the apples, cookie and sprayed treat in the oven on 375 for 5 mins and remove.  add your frozen topping]

Your sweet tooth will be satiated and you’ll get to enjoy the taste or apple crisp.

New Poll! August 11, 2008

I’ve been thinking, and I’d like to know which you’d rather be? Vote now!

Why Can’t I Ever Be the “Results Not Typical” Statistic? August 11, 2008

Look! It's Marcia Brady!

I know in my profile that I said I was going to lose the weight naturally without the aid of supplements, etc., but dammit, that aint workin’! Myia told me that she’s been using Slim Shots-a liquid supplement that’s an appetite suppressant, and she liked it. I thought I’d give it try because Myia is my sister, and I do trust her judgment over anyone else’s. So what does a sista do but head on over to my local GNC to pick up a box. Read on!

Ya’ll know I’m about to cut up right? First of all, the damn things cost $40. Not happy ’bout that becuz I’m very frugal when it comes to trying something new. Moving on…I begrudgingly shell out the $40. What’s $40 compared to eating less and possibly shedding tons of weight, right? Wrong! So I rip the box open when I get home to check out this new miracle drug, but first, I read the outside of the box. Emblazoned on the front: Eat up to 30% less everyday!* RED FLAG ALERT!!! RED FLAG ALERT!!!! RED FLAG ALERT!!! Anytime you see an asterisk beside an eye-catching or too-good-to-be-true claim, trust me, it is. Instead on putting the disclaimer on the front, they stick it on the side, and here’s what it says verbatim: ” Clinical studies have shown the average caloric intake was reduced by 12.5% to 30%. Wow! Ya’ll know where I fit in right? I’m the 12.5%!

The shots are packaged like little, portable coffee creamers. These “creamers” are comprised of palm oil, oat oil, and water. UGH!!! I use palm oil to make soap, and now I’m drinking it to feel full?  Oh, and did I mention that each “pod” has 20 calories and 2g of saturated fat? Whoo-hoo! No trans fat! (I’m being facetious.) So I gulp the liquid contents, and I damn near gag because this crap tastes like synthetic, vanilla, I don’t know.

Long story short-it did suppress my appetite for about a week, then it was like my brain said, “Oh, you got jokes?” That ish stopped working. I was no fuller than if I’d drank two cups of water. So what say thee? Keep your $40.00 and drink 2 cups of water every hour. You’ll feel just as full, and you’ll get in your water intake at the same time. If you’re a Slim Shots enthusiast, I’d love to hear your take on the subject.

Some Sunday Funny August 10, 2008

Ironically, one of Myia and I’s favorite comedians is Lavell Crawford. He’s not only funny as hell, but fat as hell, and his comedy is often based around that. We love not only that he’s fat and doin the damn thing, but he truly is funny. Dude is piss your pants funny, and I could use a little of that given that we lost another great one yesterday, Bernie Mac. RIP Mac, but check out Lavell talking about current events. Loves it!

Changes August 9, 2008

I’ve reached a plateau. Ya know, when your workouts become less effective, or in my case, I’m bored to tears, so I’m not giving it 100%, therefore, my workouts have become less effective. I’ve bought two new DVDs: One-On-One Trainng with Jackie. She’s the chick from the show Workout on Bravo. I also bought    10 Minute Solution Hot Body Boot Camp. It has 5 ten minute workouts which is perfect for me to do in the evenings. I’ll be doing both these workouts for a week, then I’ll report my findings.

I’d love to hear what your fave workout videos are. Share the love. Lose the fat!

Feelin’ Fat and F*cked Up August 7, 2008

I guess this is my punishment for calling you all fat asses. I worked out tonight for the first time in two days, and it felt like I hadn’t worked out in about two months. I was truly huffin and puffin after the freakin warm up! Why the hell is that? I guess eating McDonald’s for breakfast two days in a row doesn’t help but damn if that Steak, Egg & Cheese bagel didn’t hit the spot going down!

I am truly my own worse enemy. Whenever I make an inch of process, I take a mile’s worth of bad reward-eating some bullshiggidy that’s no good for me. A girl can only take so many Lean Cuisines and chicken breasts. I really enjoy the art of cooking, but I don’t like the cleanup. I’m a confessed slob which could be another blog creation in itself, but I won’t go there. I’ve lost about 9.5 pounds since April. That’s horrible! I was truly expecting to be about 15-20 pounds lighter by now. Working out as hard and consistently as I do, I really should be, but it’s the food! I cannot resist sweets and snacks. Yeah, I’m snacking on Fiber One Bars, butI eat like two at a time, and they’re 140 calories a pop. I always get second helpings with dinner. I eat too late. I’m not drinking water except when working out. I could go on and on. And on.

So I admit it: I’ve fallen off the wagon. I feel like an utter failure. I won’t even look at the scale. I’ve got a pair of size 16 Baby Phat jeans that barely fit. How humiliating. I must regroup and collect my thoughts. I’ll holla at ya’ll before the weekend is over

Tuesday Tiddies August 5, 2008

Hey Fat Asses (cuz I’m feeling fat today),

I’m starting a new feature where I’ll discuss useful tips, tricks, or tidbits that all us fat asses can incorporate into our new lifestyle. I’m a voracious reader of magazines, particularly health and fitness magazines, and while I find most of it to be total bull ish (I want health and fitness tips, not get shiny hair in a week or the right makeup for your skin type!) some of it is really useful and doable.

This week’s tiddy: Becoming a part-time vegan. Say what??? While it can be daunting for admitted carnivores like myself, it is doable, if you start off slowly. If you’re like me and want to just jump into the ocean with no life preserver, you will fail and fail miserably because the more we deprive ourselves of anything, the more we crave it. Anyway, back to the vegan thang. By simply eating one meatless meal a day, you can boost your energy, lower your cholesterol, and possibly shed some pounds-if done correctly! Just because you’re going vegan for one meal does not give you cart blanche to eat 2 jelly doughnuts for breakfast and a latte grande from Starbucks. This defeats the purpose and you might as well eat a t-bone steak with a loaded baked potato.

A “vegan” breakfast can be tasty and healthy. Here’s one of my faves:

• One cup of Egg Beaters with chopped onion, red and green pepper, and a sprinkling of shredded cheese. Preheat a frying pan sprayed with cooking spray or 2 tsp of olive oil. Mix your ingredients and pour into pan. Let the egg mixture begin to firm up until you can slide your spatula underneath and flip one side over. I like to flip the omelet over so the other side cooks thru then I slap it on the plate with a piece of wheat toast, a pat of butter, and a tsp of strawberry preserves (gotta have sweet with every meal.) I season with a little salt and pepper or sometimes Mrs. Dash for taste, and I throw down! It’s very filling, and I don’t miss the meat at all.

Share your favorite vegan meals. Fat Myia and I will try them all. The owner of the tastiest recipe will receive this Cherry Pie A La Mode candle from The Decadent Flame. We’re waiting…..