Author Archives: Musings IRJ

No Review Today-I’m Sick!

I”m sorry ya’ll, but my f*cking tooth is f*cking killing me! I am not in the mood. I’m sure you can understand. I’m going to self-medicate and hit the hay. I’ll try to post tomorrow. Damn M&Ms!!!!!

Re Re-Evaluation

Hey Fatties,

With Myia’s latest being said, tomorrow I’m going to do a product review of Fit Flops. Stay tuned…

By the way, I’m going to do a little whining here: Work sucks! I worked 6 damn days in a row, and I’m mentally exhausted. I’ve worked out only twice all of last week. I don’t really feel guilty about not working out. I feel most guilty about the shit I shoved down my throat when I wasn’t working out. I don’t think I drank a glass of water all last week. The few sips I took to wash down the Advil count though, right? Do the chopped onion and relish I had on my half smoke count as veggies? How about the dozens of 20+ pound boxes I helped move at work counting as strength training? Throw me a bone people! Like Angie Bassett said in Waiting To Exhale: “Hell, I worked my ass off…..”

A Sneak Peek


Life Is Short-Laugh At Yourself!

Life Is Short-Laugh At Yourself! Look, I have zits and nappy hair but it's all good!

Ok, so I’m going through a little blog withdrawal. Work is kicking my fat ass, but I’ll make it. Here’s what’s on the horizon:

  • Product Reviews: Fit flops and The Butterfly Bra
  • Big boobs aint all what it’s cracked up to be
  • Jam or Jelly? (and no, I’m not talkin’ about food!)
  • I’m a human runway

Do you subscribe to this hilarity? If not, shame on you! Get your daily fix by subscribing. You have nothing to lose because we bear all the humiliation for you!

Just Checking In

Our posts have been sporadic I know, but I’m going to rectify that soon enough. I’m going thru a major merger at work so I don’t have a lot of free time. Once the dust settles (literally), I’m going to be reviewing some popular fitness products as well as dishing on my hot bod-YEAH, RIGHT!!!!  Maybe I can get Myia to start blogging again. If she doesn’t, maybe I’ll just have to post a pic of her in those hot, black shorts she wore this past weekend. I can’t remember if she borrowed them from our grandmother or our aunt. I hope she’s reading this!

Two Fat Sisters!

Two Fat Chicks
Two Fat Chicks

We’re baaack!!!! I had a wonderful time in Hotlantic City, but not for the gambling. The shopping is off the hook!!!! I won’t even disclose how much I spent, but I know Myia spent a mint, not just on shopping, but she treated me to the most wonderful time-fancy, expensive dinners, an all-day spa session, but most of all, her company. Did we work out? Hell to tha naw! Well, does walking around the casino looking for penny slots count? I say Hell-to-tha-YES!!!! My dogs were killin’ me, so it must’ve been exercise right?

I feel totally renewed and ready to amp up my workout. My goal is to lose 5 pounds by September 20th. My current weight: 178.5. Damn, I gained half a pound, but I can’t be mad. I ate like a queen last week, so a half a pound is good. I have one month. Let’s do this…..girlllllllllllll!

Taking Some Time To Recharge

My birthday is this coming Monday, and I’m so over birthdays. Not because of the getting older thing, but because the love of my life Spencer is no longer here to share it with me. He died last September from complications of Sickle Cell Anemia, and while I’m better than I was 11 months ago, I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover from losing him. Losing him was like losing a limb. We were like Martin & Gina, sometimes Ike & Tina, but we were always Trice & Spen or Spen & Trice depending on whom you asked. So with this bittersweet occasion approaching, I know Myia wanted to take me away to get my mind off of things and help me release some stress and tension.

She and her “sister-in-law” Alisa are treating me to a spa day in Atlantic City no less, so I’m on the Amtrak tomorrow in route to getting my spa on! I haven’t been to Atlantic City in over ten years and guess whom I was with? Yeah, ole Spendy. I can’t go anywhere without being reminded of him, but I am looking forward to my Swedish message, detox body mask, and maybe a little slot action.

I’ll check in before the weekend’s over to detail my trip. Damn, I am getting older!

Yes We Can!!!

Right Idea, Wrong Suit

Right Idea, Wrong Suit

Okay, so I stole this catch-phrase from my man Barack Obama, but it’s so fitting for our new column. Yes we can is dedicated to de-bunking all the myths that say becuz your a big girl, you can’t wear a certain article of clothing or rock a new trend. While we’re losin’ it, we still want to look good, right? Although we only have about a month of summer left (here on the east coast anyway,) let’s talk about swimsuits. Before you cringe, just keep repeating to yourself: “YES-WE-CAN!!!!”

Now let’s be realistic here. The goal aint to look like a King magazine model, but to find a suit that fits, supports, and most importantly, flatters! Whoever created the tankini is a god (or goddess.) Before the invention of it, I would not even fathom the thought of wearing a two piece swimsuit. With the tankini, you get the best of both worlds, but you can’t just scoop up any old tankini. Here are some key elements: Make sure the bottoms are briefs-please, no thongs. I’m gagging at the thought. I would not wear a thong. My ass is covered with jelly (cellulite) and railroad tracks (stretch marks.) Secondly, if you only remember one thing, remember this: Spandex, and lots of it, is our friend. A good suit should have at least 18% or more of spandex. And for goodness sake, don’t be afraid to go up a size. Nobody will know you’re wearing a size 18 suit on your size 16 body unless you tell them. Swimsuits are traditionally cut smaller, and if you have curves like moi, wearing your true size isn’t always an option. Also, patterns as opposed to solids are much more flattering, especially at the midsection. Ruching also does wonders on that ole rubber tire of a gut. What I like about tankinis is that while it gives the coverage of a one piece, you get that small peek-a-boo at the waist. Lastly, if you’ve got a big rack like me, opt for a halter. It lifts, separates, and supports nicely. If the halter puts a strain on your neck, then choose a criss-cross back for support and comfort.

I leave you with this: You can wear a tankini. It takes a lot of confidence and picking the right suit. You cannot buy off the rack without trying on your suit. It just won’t work. You’ve got to view yourself from all angles. Look for a shop where you can mix and match the pieces. That way, you’re not stuck with an unflattering bottom and the perfect top or vice versa. Target carries some pretty decent suits. Also,    Newport News does too (Newport News does not have a store front, so you’ll have to use your best judgment when ordering or call and speak with a rep.) I actually bought this suit from Newport News but it has absolutely NO support. My tits look like two big Christmas hams stuffed into a shopping bag. This suit is actually a size 14. Keep in mind that this suit is about 3 years old and I was a size 12 at the time. The good news though is you can build your own bikini. Good luck, and remember, YES-WE-CAN!!!!!

New Poll!

I’ve been thinking, and I’d like to know which you’d rather be? Vote now!

Why Can’t I Ever Be the “Results Not Typical” Statistic?

Look! It's Marcia Brady!

Look! It's Marcia Brady!

I know in my profile that I said I was going to lose the weight naturally without the aid of supplements, etc., but dammit, that aint workin’! Myia told me that she’s been using Slim Shots-a liquid supplement that’s an appetite suppressant, and she liked it. I thought I’d give it try because Myia is my sister, and I do trust her judgment over anyone else’s. So what does a sista do but head on over to my local GNC to pick up a box. Read on!

Ya’ll know I’m about to cut up right? First of all, the damn things cost $40. Not happy ’bout that becuz I’m very frugal when it comes to trying something new. Moving on…I begrudgingly shell out the $40. What’s $40 compared to eating less and possibly shedding tons of weight, right? Wrong! So I rip the box open when I get home to check out this new miracle drug, but first, I read the outside of the box. Emblazoned on the front: Eat up to 30% less everyday!* RED FLAG ALERT!!! RED FLAG ALERT!!!! RED FLAG ALERT!!! Anytime you see an asterisk beside an eye-catching or too-good-to-be-true claim, trust me, it is. Instead on putting the disclaimer on the front, they stick it on the side, and here’s what it says verbatim: ” Clinical studies have shown the average caloric intake was reduced by 12.5% to 30%. Wow! Ya’ll know where I fit in right? I’m the 12.5%!

The shots are packaged like little, portable coffee creamers. These “creamers” are comprised of palm oil, oat oil, and water. UGH!!! I use palm oil to make soap, and now I’m drinking it to feel full?  Oh, and did I mention that each “pod” has 20 calories and 2g of saturated fat? Whoo-hoo! No trans fat! (I’m being facetious.) So I gulp the liquid contents, and I damn near gag because this crap tastes like synthetic, vanilla, I don’t know.

Long story short-it did suppress my appetite for about a week, then it was like my brain said, “Oh, you got jokes?” That ish stopped working. I was no fuller than if I’d drank two cups of water. So what say thee? Keep your $40.00 and drink 2 cups of water every hour. You’ll feel just as full, and you’ll get in your water intake at the same time. If you’re a Slim Shots enthusiast, I’d love to hear your take on the subject.

Some Sunday Funny

Ironically, one of Myia and I’s favorite comedians is Lavell Crawford. He’s not only funny as hell, but fat as hell, and his comedy is often based around that. We love not only that he’s fat and doin the damn thing, but he truly is funny. Dude is piss your pants funny, and I could use a little of that given that we lost another great one yesterday, Bernie Mac. RIP Mac, but check out Lavell talking about current events. Loves it!