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Shopping Is Exercise, Dammit!!!

This past Thursday I went on a major binge-I went to McDonald’s and got a #2 (Quarter Pounder w/cheese, medium fries, and a Sprite), a small strawberry shake, and two apple pies. BUT, I did not eat everything in one sitting. OKAY, I save ONE pie til yesterday! I felt like a crackhead who just relapsed afterward. I woke up extra early on Friday and worked out semi-hard for 30 minutes. I did The Biggest Loser Cardio Sculpt Level One. That ish is no joke. I feel motivated when I see fat people moving and sweatin’ along with my fat ass. If they can do it, I know I can do it. I felt I’d somewhat redeemed myself until lunchtime. I went to the little carryout down the street from my office. Here’s a clue-when you see or use the word CARRYOUT, 9 times out of 10, you did not buy anything remotely healthy. So what did I buy? I got a 10 pc bbq wings (they’re the wingettes, not 10 who wings thank you!) with fries and a side of potato salad, and an ice cold Sprite to wash it all down. Yeah, I’m a crackhead……

Saturday morning, I had every intention of waking up early (the road to hell is paved with good intentions) and working out. NOPE! Woke up about 11:30, brushed my teeth, and rushed to The Post Office to pick up some packages I thought would be there. NOPE! Weren’t there. Pissed! I then hit the Safeway to pick up a few things including a gift card and flowers for my aunt’s b-day which was the 1st. That set me back about $75! It’s sad when you have to charge your groceries, but I did. It’s the first of the month. My rent and phone/cable/Internet bill are due and that’s practically my entire paycheck. Anyway, I go to my grandmother’s house for a little informal party for my aunt, who’s 54 now (yeah, I put it out there!) and I ate a big, fat, fried chicken tit with a biscuit from KFC. To top all that off, I ate a two-layer piece of yellow b-day cake with a scoop of Neapolitan ice cream. Yeah, I’m a crackhead!

So what did you eat today, Fat Trice? I ate nothing…until I went to the mall with my cousin. It was an outlet mall, therefore, I had to walk, therefore, I exercised! I had a hotdog with chili and cole slaw on it, and it was f*cking delish! It was messy and greasy and I cursed myself with every delicious bite. But I walked it off! Shopping is exercise, dammit!